Professional feedback

I have received feedback from the performing arts school 'FABBA'. They are very similar to my business in that they offer weekly performing art classes for a specific audience, there's being disabled people. 

Here is the feedback- 

And, here is my original business plan as reference for what I will change- 

So, overall I have two key things I need to change - that being my sales and marketing and my finances. 

Fortunately, when it comes to finances I have already made an income and outcome sheet - with the prices of everything and how much of a profit I predict to make. So, for that I will simply copy and write down a lot of the stuff I have already done, just more concisely for the business plan. 

Then, there is the sales and marketing. Which similarly, I have already completed some of the work she has suggested I do, such as making a website. I will write this down on my business plan now, and also about LinkedIn.

Here are the changes I made-